Down and Shutout
Well that sucked, America. Our friendly northern neighbor once again squashed the hopes and dreams of nearly one million U.S. hockey fans who streamed the game live during extended lunch breaks. U.S. goalie Jonathan Quick was outstanding, but Canada’s excellent defense smothered the U.S. on the other end.
That said, I’m not here to shed a tear, but to pick us all up. Contrary to what that loudmouth Dutch speed skating coach said, the U.S. is always the best. Let me direct your attention to the U.S. men’s swimming miraculous comeback in 2008 in the 4×100 to beat France, keeping alive Michael Phelps’ successful run for eight gold medals. Also: Rocky crushed Ivan Drago. Here’s some of the most ’Murican images in the world. And I’ll wrap this up in the only way I could: Take it away, Al Michaels:
Jesus Montero Leads MLB in Weight Gain
While Shane Victorino spent the offseason training at an MMA gym and Jose Fernandez biked 600 miles a week, Mariners catcher Jesus Montero did nothing but stuff his face, arriving at spring training 40 pounds overweight. Montero actually admitted, “After winter ball, all I did was eat.” Said Mariners GM Jack Zduriencik, “I have zero expectations for Jesus Montero. Any expectations I had were gone.” Wow! With any luck, Jose Molina will pass the “slowest dude in the league” torch to Montero .
So Rex and Rob Ryan Go Out For a Bite
Take one guess where the brothers enjoyed some grub together in Indianapolis, where they arrived for the NFL Combine. The answer, obviously, is Hooters. Not the greatest wings, but the view makes up for it.
Lovely Lady Round-up
Still trying to make good on my promise to offer a flood of brunettes, get to know Alexandra Victoria of South Florida, Bikini Team’s February model of the the month. You can follow Alexandra on Instagram and Twitter … Here are the 101 best celebrity Instagram pictures of the week … You’ve seen Alex Morgan, now check out her soccer teammate Sydney Leroux … Finally, here’s a nice athlete gallery of Russian Olympic hockey player Anna Prugova.
Run for the Money
Adidas has made a clever and potentially lucrative offer to NFL prospects at the Combine this weekend, promising $100,000 for the fastest 40-yard dash time by a player wearing its adizero 5-star 40 cleats. The company even tweeted a photo of a suitcase full of cash. If you’re a speedy DB, WR, or RB, I can’t think of any reason not to lace ’em up for a shot at nearly 1/4 a rookie base salary.
March Madness Is Coming
Huge weekend of college hoops with a menu that includes No. 1 Syracuse at No. 5 Duke (both coming off losses), No. 11 Louisville at No 7 Cincinnati, No. 16 Wisconsin at No. 15 Iowa and more. SI‘s Seth Davis gets you ready here. I’ll be watching with a padded bankroll thanks to a bizarre, incredible cover in the Canada-Great Britain curling gold medal game. Down 9-3 with two ends to play, Great Britain conceded (!!!), securing a win for the 12.5 under. (Yes, I wagered on Olympic curling.) Thanks for quitting, Great Britain.
The Best Memes From Sochi 2014
Wired has the rundown, from Bob Costas‘s pink eye to #SochiProblems.
Odds & Ends
A Las Vegas hockey team is going to put a rink of the top of a casino … Seahawks fullback Michael Robinson is making a cameo on on The Young and the Restless … Here’s video of LeBron‘s busted nose bleeding out yesterday against the Thunder, a 0.1 on the Muta scale … Johnny Manziel got swarmed at the NFL Combine by several hundred reporters … Bryce Harper is PED free, says his shirt … Here’s a miniscule bit of positive news for the Ravens: Joe Flacco reportedly is a generous tipper … Will Ferrell is a graceful figure skater … Hulk Hogan is returning to the WWE … Shani Davis and the entire U.S. speed skating contingent failed to reach the podium, but Davis did get a chocolate medal … A look back at Blue Chips, starring Shaq, which turns 20 this week … Sandy Koufax got knocked in the head by an Andre Ethier foul ball … Pharrell‘s giant hat worn at the Grammy’s is up for sale on eBay, and can be yours for somewhere in excess of $10,500.
Cover Girl Chrissy Teigen
Tip of the Cap to this Patriot
Check out the beard on this U.S. fan at Hurricane O’Reilly’s sports bar in Boston. [NESN]
DHL is Faster
Genius marketing stunt by the people of yellow and red. [Tastefully Offensive]