The University of Oklahoma Reported Itself to NCAA for Excessive Pasta Consumption
In a reporting move that should earn him a Pulitzer, The Oklahoman‘s Ryan Aber made an open-records request for the University of Oklahoma’s self-reported secondary NCAA violations and published what he found. I’ll repeat — these are self-reported violations, which mean the university turned itself in, and they are secondary, meaning they are very very dumb.
Among the actual violations were: Butt-dialing a recruit, accidentally texting the wrong person and responding to someone via text instead of Facebook message (which leads me to believe the NCAA created its secondary violations using the same criteria as teenage girls do when they’re talking to a boy for the first time).
But perhaps the most ludicrous violation was for excessive pasta consumption:
Three current student-athletes received food in excess of NCAA regulation at a graduation banquet. The three had graduated from the school but returned for an additional season of competition. The players were provided pasta in excess of the permissible amount allowed.
The players’ punishment was a donation of $3.83 to a charity of their choice.
I think this egregious punishment should be overturned immediately. Look, everyone loves pasta, we can understand how things got a little out of hand when exposed to that noodley temptress. Despite the clear athletic advantages the extra scoop of room-temperature buffet pasta gave these players, I think we should give them another chance to prove they’re good guys.
But in the NCAA’s defense, we can’t let these athletes go too far down the spaghetti path. Otherwise this could happen:
UPDATE: The NCAA released the following statement on the matter: “While we appreciate Oklahoma’s commitment, there are no NCAA rules regarding portion sizes, and any penalties were determined by the university.”