Don’t Do The Humpty Dance
Previously undefeated boxer Adrien Broner had a curious plan of attack during his WBA welterweight championship match against Marcos Maidana in San Antonio last night: Instead of pounding him in the face and body, the heavily-favored Broner got behind Maidana in the first round and humped his opponent in the same manner that my English bulldog asserts his dominance over stuffed animals. (You’re on your own for the “Why?”) The classless move got Broner booed by the crowd, and he eventually lost in a unanimous decision—though not before Maidana responded with a couple pumps of his own in the 11th round. Here’s the bizarre thrusting that started it:
Strike a Heisman Pose
Congrats to the youngest-ever Heisman Trophy winner, Florida State QB Jameis Winston, who to nobody’s surprise picked up the hardware last night … An announcement that did surprise people last night was the news that Jameis Winston‘s mother is an Auburn fan … Speaking of mothers (dangerous segue), here’s Johnny Manziel posing for a picture with AJ McCarron‘s mom … Tom Rinaldi asked Winston about his age, and it got kinda awkward.
Great photos from a snowy edition of the Army-Navy game, a 34-7 Navy beatdown. That said, Army wins for the better spirit video—a play on Kanye’s “Blood on the Leaves.” The annual event started on a powerful note, as the coin toss was done using the silver dollar that JFK was scheduled to flip before the 1963 Army-Navy game.
Tom Brady Surprises Little Tom Landry
Due to a birth complication, six-year-old Massachusetts boy Danny Keefe was not expected to ever walk. He does so just fine, but now he’s fighting to overcome speech difficulties. Danny, who wears a fedora and suit to school ever day, serves as the waterboy for a Bridgeport, Massachusetts 5th grade football. When the team found out that Danny had been teased and bullied in school, the entire squad dressed like him. That led to an appearance on Ellen for the boys. During the segment, Tom Brady had a surprise for Danny and his friend, both Patriots fans (skip to 5:30 if you only want to see Brady). Brady also acknowledged that his fashion is the subject of some scrutiny.
Cheerleader of the Week
Say hello to Lily, a sophomore business major at Miami Dade College, and a Dolphins cheerleader who ought to be familiar to some of our servicemen.
My friends would be surprised to know: “I recently spent my time in Afghanistan for two weeks supporting our U.S. Troops!”
Celebrity crush: “Ryan Gosling, because he’s so charming and he can play any role — romance, drama and action.
Coolest person that follows me on Twitter: “Nathaniel Buzolic from Vampire Diaries.”
Top three items on my bucket list: “Travel to an exotic Island like Tahiti or Fiji; Go on a safari to see beautiful wildlife; Buy my mom her dream home on a beach.”
Four Fingers for Fighting
Check out Jerome Iginla‘s finger after a fight last night with Ryan Kesler. On the bright side, the injury is on his non-punching hand.
Snowball, High and Tight
Which pitcher would you want to back you in a snowball fight? That’s the subject of a great discussion taking place right now over at r/baseball. Personally, I’d sacrifice a few MPH and go with the obscenely accurate Greg Maddux circa 1995. Tell us in the comments who you’d enlist.
Ladies and gentlemen, we’re going streaking and bathing in Bitcoins after back-to-back Ill-Advised Teaser wins. It’s an uninspiring slate of games this week, making it even more important to find good wagering situations. This week’s Ill-Advised Teaser pairs Pittsburgh +2.5 at home versus Cincinnati with Dallas -6.5 hosting a Rodgers-less Green Bay. Pittsburgh always plays its division rivals tough, especially at home, and it’s 5-2 straight up in its last 7 against Cincy overall. I like home dogs to begin with, and when you push the spread past a touchdown it looks pretty damn tasty. As for Dallas, as much as this Giants fan hates to count on the perpetually mediocre Cowboys, especially without Sean Lee, Green Bay sits at 0-5 ATS on the road against Dallas, which is 5-1 at home this year. They’ve just gotta win, baby. So that’s Pittsburgh +8.5, Dallas -0.5.
By the way, follow me on Twitter and send tips to basmiley [at] gmail [dot] com. If you want even more, check out out ’70s glam rocker Brett Smiley and politician Brett Smiley, who’s currently running for mayor of Providence, Rhode Island.
Odds & Ends
Max Scherzer, Cy Young winner, king of ugly Christmas sweaters … Ryan Garbutt checked Mark Scheifele, depositing him over the boards and back onto the Winnipeg Jets’ bench … Evgeni Nabakov plays off a pre-game stumble and earns maximum style points … Hungry for a football-shaped sausage? … Khloe Kardashian is divorcing Lamar Odom and seemingly already shacking up with Matt Kemp … Mike Francesa snoozing moments will be telecast throughout the world on a new network … Very sneaky inbounds pass and bucket … A teen attacked his brother with a medieval battle axe over video games … OSU’s Sam Thompson posterizes a North Dakota State defender … Saints fans writes “Who Dat” below St. Louis Arch … CBS promo features Georgetown fan giving a double-barreled salute to an opponent … Dennis Rodman is still set to train with North Korea’s basketball team on Monday despite discord and the execution of Kim Jong Un’s uncle.
Salute and Tie
Navy’s spirit video, set to Justin Timberlake’s “Suit and Tie,” was pretty damn entertaining too.
Just a Goo Goo Dolls / NFL QB Mash-Up
A couple months ago we created “Why Don’t You Slide?,” a video tribute to NFL quarterbacks surrendering with a slide. We present it again as a reminder to playoff-bound QBs that they need to protect themselves down the stretch.
Thanks to Bob’s Blitz for this video of a buffalo chucking a lion into the air.
Drunk Uncle’s Drunk Uncle
Last night, SNL brought us a meeting between drunk uncle and drunker uncle.