Nebraska’s Answered Prayer
“It’s going to be tipped and CAUGHT!!! IT’S CAUGHT!!!!” Northwestern’s first Big 10 win of 2013 went kaput when Nebraska QB Ron Kellogg III’s 57-yard hail mary found Jordan Westerkamp. Also, kudos to Westerkamp, who is already bringing his A-game for No Shave November.
Making the college football rounds
Tailgating Gator fans ride a mechanical … gator … Elsewhere at the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party, enterprising tailgaters brought their own Port-a-Potty and charged others $1 a pop, which is a monumental bargain for someone who has crossed the six-pack mark … Behold the “Chestfumble,” courtesy of Marshall, which also ran over a student who fell … Soon-to-be unranked Michigan managed (?) minus 48 yards rushing at Michigan State, its worst effort in school history, with -49 on seven sacks and -1 on 22 carries … Sacred Heart wideout Moses Webb pulled off the fumble hat-trick with a fumble, forced fumble, and returned fumble for touchdown on the same play … Check out this impressive handshake between Jimbo Fisher’s son and Jameis Winston … Tough break for the Hurricanes, who lost running back Duke Johnson for the season with a broken ankle … This UCLA cheerleader’s now-fiancée went to Jared but didn’t fall in the creek (this will make sense after you watch the clip, I promise).
Unconscious-Mascot-Descending-From-the-Rafters Video of the Day
So, this happened at the Nuggets’ home opener on Friday. According to TheDenverChannel.com, “Fans were horrified when a lifeless Rocky was lowered to the center court where he immediately collapsed.” Rocky had reportedly passed out, but is doing just fine now. In the future he should stick to ladder dunking, which may be more dangerous but poses less risk of lifelong trauma for young fans. (h/t BSO)
Boston’s unlikely journey from the AL East basement in 2012 to this season’s World Series title culminated with its victory parade on Saturday, which included a tribute to the victims of April’s Boston Marathon bombings. When the team reached the marathon’s finish line on Boylston Street, Jonny Gomes placed the trophy down and fitted it with a Boston Strong jersey (617 is the local area code) before the crowd sang God Bless America.
In other parade news: Even Boston’s floats and duck boats sprouted beards … Speaking of amphibious motorcrafts, Jake Peavy purchased a bright green duck boat … Big Papi rocked a WWE-style title belt, courtesy of John Cena … This 11-year-old boy’s sign puts the last decade-or-so of Boston sports in perspective (NSF-Clevelanders) … Nobody had more fun at the parade than Clay Buchholz … Nobody had more fun after the parade than Mike Napoli, who may still be wandering the streets of Boston shirtless, a spectacle that would only be more quintessentially Boston if Mark Wahlberg were standing beside him (you’re welcome, ladies).
Cheerleader of the Week
West Virginia pulled out a tough—and much-needed—OT road victory against TCU on Saturday. Offering sideline support throughout was Mountaineers senior Krysta Kemp, our Cheerleader of the Week. Here’s a Krysta primer:
Favorite Twitter feeds: “@VineLoop is a feed of hilarious Vine videos. I watch them to get a good laugh. @EarthPix has amazing photos, and also gives me ideas for places to visit in the future. @Women_Fit has wonderful quotes about fitness that keep me motivated. Last but definitely not least, @JakeOwen’s Twitter pictures make me happy all day every day. Such a stud!”
Top 3 bucket list entries: “Save a life, be proposed to in a hot air balloon (I am obsessed with them), and see the northern lights in Norway.”
Most embarrassing thing that’s happened to you during a game: “One time at a football game I held a DEFENSE sign upside down. It was an intense game and I was really into getting the crowd to make some noise, so I grabbed the sign without looking at it and started jumping up and down. Eventually my stunt partner told me. I have no idea how long it was like that.”
Worst date you’ve been on: “I was taken out in Atlantic City for dinner and dancing at a rooftop grill and bar. Long story short: The night ended with me taking a red-eye flight back to West Virginia while nursing a wound on my back that resulted from my date falling on top of me on an escalator. Needless to say, I never talked to him again.”
Win a Puck Signed by Scott Hartnell
Last month, Extra Mustard worked with Flyers forward Scott Hartnell on a comedy video about athletes in bad regional commercials. During the shoot, Hartnell signed a puck for us to give to a reader. If you want it, be the first person to email me (firstname.lastname@example.org) the model name of the Audi that Hartnell’s touching in the video when he says, “Truck it, Phaneuf!”
Congratulations to the winner, Michael in Ohio. Thanks to everyone who wrote in.
It’s already NFL Week 9?
Get well soon, John Fox, who is expected miss a few weeks following surgery this coming Tuesday to repair a heart valve … The end of NFL blackouts? … Jimmy Fallon ribs a bunch of Colts and Texans players (this week’s Sunday Night Football match-up) with faux-superlatives in a segment on on Late Night.
You can find fantasy advice and wagering insights elsewhere on SI.com, so what can I provide for you? Oh, I don’t know—how does an ill-advised teaser sound? (Cue the Ill-Advised Teaser theme music, or just break a plate on the ground.)
Let’s go with a 6-point teaser of the Panthers (-7.5) vs. Falcons and the Cowboys (-11) vs. Vikings. Matt Ryan’s remaining healthy offensive weapon, Tony Gonzalez, wouldn’t ask to get traded at the deadline but reaaaaalllly wouldn’t have minded if he did. The Falcons and Panthers are teams going in opposite directions, and Carolina has been playing stout defense and running the ball well, and will look to choke the remaining life out of Atlanta’s birds. Meanwhile, let’s forget about the Cowboys’ debacle in Detroit because they’re a much better team at home, and they’re playing the Vikings, who aren’t a good team anywhere. I see Romo, Dez Bryant, and Co. taking out their frustration in a blowout while Leslie Frazier contemplates starting Joe Webb next week. So that’s Panthers teased to -1.5 and Cowboys to -5.
Linemen are Athletes Too
Check out the ups and hands on 6′ 3″, 269-pound Wisconsin defensive end Pat Muldoon, who climbed the ladder for an interception after the ball went airborne off an Iowa guard’s helmet … Stellar celebratory squat jumps by Michigan State center Travis Jackson … Texas defensive tackle Chris Whaley flashes his pedals en route to his second touchdown in three games (also check out the top left of the GIF for the handstand).
Odds and Ends
The fastest man alive is also one of the hungriest: Bolt estimates in his new autobiography that he ate 100 McDonald’s chicken McNuggets every day for 10 days while in Beijing for the 2008 Olympics … The NBA fined Andray Blatche $15,000 for his “big balls dance” … Stoke City goalie Asmir Begović scored the fifth goal by a goalkeeper in EPL history… A breathless Megan Fox appears in a trailer for Call of Duty: Ghosts … Kevin Garnett broke a fan’s front row seat … Goalie fight!!! … Chris Kluwe reviews Bad Grandpa … Just a Ferrari getting run over by a delivery truck.
Spongebob Nowitzki Video of the Day
Animated Nowtizki has eyebrows on top of his mop and a perpetually runny nose.
Shaq stops by SNL’s Weekend Update
Jay Pharoah’s eyebrows had to work overtime for this impersonation.
“You have no marbles!!” of the day
In honor of Blatche’s fine, let’s watch the genesis of the big balls dance in Major League II.