The Innovative New Tool for Sneaking Booze into NFL Games? Tampon Flasks.
Necessity, as the saying goes, is the mother of invention—and the need to drink during football games is proving to be one fertile mama, particularly now that the NFL’s new draconian regulations restrict fans from bringing bags and purses into games.
For years the Beer Belly (and its female counterpart, the Wine Rack) held promise of maintaining one’s tailgate buzz on the cheap, but to sneak in the harder stuff, more discreet solutions have recently been developed. In April, we told you about a college football fan who provided step-by-step instructions for MacGyver’ing whiskey pouches with a vacuum sealer. Now comes the latest innovation: vials that can be filled with booze and sheathed in a tampon wrapper.
Assuming you can successfully convince your girlfriend to be the designated smuggler, the vials should prove to be effective at deceiving security guards who aren’t familiar with the standard weight of a tampon. Alas, the five-shot pack is currently out of stock on Amazon, and the $50+ price tag at Sears seems steep (and yet, so appropriate for Sears). One imagines that inventory will be replenished by the time football season rolls around, in case you haven’t come to terms with your desperate alcoholism by then.