Posted April 23, 2013

Chris Bosh Defeated the Sorceress and Saved Miami, the World and the Internet, NBD

Entertainment, Movies

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Do you know Chris Bosh’s whole story? You think you do, huh? Go ahead. Go ahead and list everything you “know”.

Did you say something about coming up in Dallas, spending a year at Georgia Tech before getting drafted by the Raptors, signing with the Heat after multiple All-Stars years in Toronto, then winning a title in Miami in 2012?

You probably did. That’s fine. You’re not wrong. You just don’t have the whole story. Let the fine and totally normal people of Miami-based Borscht Corp fill you in on the unreported particulars of Bosh’s provenance and journey: the tragic defeat of his father King Zordzon, the tyranny of Sorceress Gillian, the spacecrack-addled tutelage of the Mystic Wolfman and Bosh’s transition from 12-dimensional multiverse denizen to three-dimensional human professional millionaire basketball player. The basics, really.

Given the tell-all nature of the documentary, one can understand why Bosh considered taking legal action against the whole operation. Now that the Bosh Film Festival is out in the open, he’s going to have a lot of questions to answer. But for the moment, let’s give him some space. All considered, it’s the least we could do.

(h/t Hardwood Paroxysm)

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